My brother got married last May, it is the first wedding in the family, I mean for my siblings because of course our parents got married way before that. One word: tiring. I think mom was the busiest person ever because it is her first son got married so she must’ve been really into it. Me? I am the one who complained much because, first, I am the second daughter so mom had to put trust on me. Second of all, I am the loser one who still staying with her parents (I think that is still okay considering I am still studying :p) so again mom had to trust on her daughter in helping her with the work.
Well, in Malay wedding, mostly it is about relatives and okay maybe 30% close friends and not so close friends. On why I said that because before the wedding itself, baba were like, Oh Angah, do you remember Pak Chop and the wife? I am like, who? Put them on the list, baba said. Who are they, baba? Just put them on the list. Even mom were like, Angah follow me to send the invitations to Tok Chu. I am like, “Hah? Who is Tok Chu?” “How can you not remember Tok Chu?” Even on the wedding itself, Baba introduced me to one his ex-college mate named Uncle Roslan, who always wanted to see me and called out my name when he came to the house. Reason being: my name is similar to his daughter’s name. But of course being me, I couldn’t remember and being the polite daughter, I’m like, yeah I remember Uncle Roslan. Sorry Uncle, it is not that I don’t remember you; it is just that I don’t remember you.
Weddings are expensive. Trust me, ladies. All the advertisement about marriages, canopies, wedding planners, caterings, it is all about money and more money. Okay take for example, wedding planner is to not put all the headaches on you, but to put all the headaches on the planner herself or himself, and plus maybe the daddy if he is the one who’s paying. I even asked my dad couple of months ago if he is going to pay for my wedding and if am not mistaken he said something about paying half. I mean if the wedding itself cost me RM30, 000; I am going to pay half of it? Feel like puking now. But on second thought, why make it RM30, 000? I mean, why not make it higher and give heart attack to both daddy and the future daddy in law.
Okay, to be real honest here, I don’t want just some people come to my wedding. I don’t fancy big wedding with all the VVVVIPs are invited when you yourself don’t even recognise him. It would be lovely if only the wedding would be my families, relatives and of course close friends are invited. All the faces that the bride and the groom recognize them. I was talking to one of my best girlfriend about her wedding dream, excuse us, we girls always dreams about our wedding. She said she will never ever use the small paper bag that contains gifts to gives out to the guests. She just doesn’t like it. I thought about the wedding my brother had and we only gave some lovely small box containing muffins and mom were a bit disappointed about that because she thought a small paper bag that contains few small gifts would be lovely. I thought that so when I went to a friend of mine wedding where she gave out small paper bag that later in the car we’ve checked what the contains are, (don’t we always do that?) it is a mix of some sweets, a small bag of homemade potpourri, 2 pieces of waffles, small towel and soaps. Never mind that no one gave soaps to their guests anymore, it is the thought that counts. Ok if you count the thoughts, maybe you could say that some small lovely box that contains muffin is always a thought. It is just I feel that it is more sincere that way; I mean the small paper bag that contains everything you can put inside.
Let’s talk about something that all Malaysians are into (and what I am into as well when I go to weddings). Food. Glorious food. One thing about Malay wedding is, when it comes to food, we only serve beriani gam, ayam masak merah, dalca and acar buah. Or maybe something more different if we added kurma daging. I sometimes got tired of the food never mind that it is not easy to cook beriani gam and it take hours upon hours to prepare for it. Then, why not make it easier, by serving something simpler and healthy (look who’s talking) maybe something grilled and something that are half cooked. Ok that is maybe more into westerners wedding or maybe garden weddings. Remember, we must follow our so-called customs. And our customs are to serve beriani gam, ayam masak merak, all the dalcas if not people will think that we can’t afford that.
A white friend of mine said something like they remember you if you came empty-handed. Meaning that if you forget to bring any gifts to the bride and groom. Well, of course they remember you because they only invited like what, 80 people? Not like some Malay wedding when they invited close to 2000 people. Try that to remember who doesn’t bring you any gift.
I also believe that when it comes to wedding, it is not your actual wedding, not your dream wedding. It is more like your mom’s wedding and what she has been dreamed of. When it comes to your daughter’s wedding, then only you can have your own dream wedding, but keep in mind that it is not your actual wedding, it is more like your daughter’s wedding. A wedding also is mostly about to ‘jaga hati’. You have to jaga hati your mother, your future mother-in-law, all your aunties, not forgetting your 2 grandmas. Jaga hati is more like you don’t want to upset all parties and at the same time have your OWN dream wedding. In your dreams.
In Muslim weddings, the most important part is the akad and nikah, same like ‘I do’. But nowadays, people more into who have the best wedding? Who is going get the title ‘wedding of the year’, because that is what we’ve been brain-washed to, no? Which bride wear the most expensive and elegant gown? Whose wedding VVVVVVVIPs attend to? The more VVVVIPs came to your wedding, the more likely you will get the title? There goes the actual idea of getting married. Get two people who are in love get together and celebrate the love and joy of it. Embrace the love of two people that will spend time together for the rest of their time and grow old together. Not thinking about debts and more debts the first thing you wake up after your wedding night like cousin A, who applied for bank loan to pay some of the wedding fees. Ridiculous right? But according to her, it is cheap considering you have to pay back in 10 years time plus the interest as well. Well, maybe it is easier said than done because at first, she wanted to get married in 2 more years but with ‘campur tangan’ all the pakciks, makciks, they have to get married in a year time, never mind that short of money. ‘Rezeki ada di mana-mana’, said one of our uncles.
Weddings definitely are more for relatives and get together among us, right? It is to merapatkan ikatan persaudaraan. Yeah right, what about all the debts that we (I mean the brides and grooms) have to deal with? Can we make it simpler without too much hassle? Even mom said for my wedding, she is not going to do anything and I have to deal with it and prepare it according to my own dream. She said that was because I kept on complaining over preparation of my brother’s wedding that my brother didn’t care anything about his wedding and we have to take care of it and I am so not going to abandon my own wedding and will take care of it with TLC. Ok stop, now I feel like adopted child.